September 2011
1 post
i sincerely hope no one expects regular posts from...
changes. i’ve gone through a lot of them recently. what the heck is going on with my life?
[barf. i wonder how many blog posts have started with those three sentences? gross.]
let’s try again.
i am TWO weeks into my fall 2011 semester. i now have TWO majors, neither of which i am clear about what i want to do with. i now have EIGHT roommates. i was only cast in ONE dance piece of...
July 2011
1 post
June 2010
1 post
so here's the thing.
push me all you want. i’m not gonna let myself be a pushover anymore. i’m done with that nonsense. no more buts. that is all.
May 2010
1 post
i am scared. i am so scared. i have no idea what is about to happen and i do not feel like i am in control of anything. if i am not even in control of my own thoughts, how am i supposed to be able to live my life? what if everything i have ever assumed to be true is a complete falsehood and i am actually not the person i thought i was? having a small personal crisis at the moment… i feel...
April 2010
4 posts
ajkfhdkjgkah
i need to somehow make it through the next month. i am not sure how it will happen, but i have to do it. as for tonight, my current tasks include 5 late journal essays for philosophy, a paper for my modern class, studying and teaching myself 3 units of nutrition by 3pm, teaching myself the entire spanish language by 5, and staying awake through all of my classes today… then there is...
aksjfvakjhg
i don’t know if i can do it. i seriously don’t know if i’m going to make it through this semester without failing a class, pissing someone off, getting fired, ruining my gpa, thusly losing my scholarships, ruining my knees, not having any life plan of action or major for my college career……
how the hell is one person supposed to handle all of this??!?!?!?!!?! fml.
hullahbullahboo
current frustration:
-i am dumb. i rsvp’d to a wedding on saturday. also on saturday, i have a brazilian dance workshop that goes from 10-2… the wedding starts at 2, and is half an hour away.
-the internet is sucking a lot.
-[i am tired, sore, in pain, sweaty, and generally exhausted, but that can be said of about any day that i am alive].
-i am finding it ridiculously difficult...
“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats its foolishness”
– Proverbs 26:11
March 2010
7 posts
awake
so here’s a quick thought for your penny.
i have honestly been depressed for the past four and a half months. there have been ups and downs, but mostly it has been a grief-stricken, mood-swingy, unmotivated hell of a frame of a life not my own. never having lost anyone so close to me before, kevin’s death caught me way off guard. i do not know how to handle things like unexpected...
phobiaaaa
i think i am afraid of silence.
when everything else is quiet,
all i can hear is my own mind,
and it scares me half to death.
in fact, when i am alone,
i face you
and the pain regret and heartache i have felt for you
for the past four months.
much of the time i ignore it.
set it aside in my mind,
using it solely for motivation.
tonight i did not.
it has been over four months since...
i've got a bone to pick...
Dear My Body,
Despite what you may have heard, or currently believe for some reason, you are NOT in fact a whale with a cork stuck in its blowhole, so there is no reason to be retaining so much water. So, all I ask is this: STOP RETAINING WATER! PLEASE!
That is all,
-My Mind
a little dream...
There is freedom within, there is freedom without Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost But you'll never see the end of the road While you're travelling with me Hey now, hey now Don't dream it's over Hey now, hey now When the world comes in They come, they come To build a wall between us We know they won't win Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in...
well i'm back
the computer just rebooted or whatever.
i have to go upstairs in 10 minutes becaauuusssseeeee… i’m leaving for new york city this morning! i stayed up until like 3ish packing, and at that point, if i wanted to be up by 5:30 to get on the bus at 6, going to bed was not going to be an option. so i ate some poptarts and came on down to the honors comp lab. how very handy and...
the things you learn when you don't sleep.
soooo i went to campus focus tonight, for once (rehearsal was cancelled). it was an ionteresting night. the message was really chewy and a bit hard to handle. they discuwssed how we build up walls between ourselves and the Lord, such as money or irrational beliefs, or even what we see as ‘reason’ or ‘logic.’
for me personally, there are certainly things that prevent me...
February 2010
3 posts
FORK.
today could be very productive, or very non-productive.
it could foster something new and good, or something that is really just awful and wrong.
i wish i knew what was right.
that is all.
as it seems, i have a blog.
well… i haven’t posted anything since more serious events transpired and there were quite a few things that i should have said that i did not. i wrote them other places… to other people.
[this may be an odd conglomerate of thoughts…]
anyways… today is a monday. i really like mondays. i used to really not like them, but i have philosophy, in which i do not really...
November 2009
3 posts
RIP Kevin Edward Vest- I know that you are dancing...
changes
there are so many things that i do not understand at all.
there are also about a million things that i did not expect to happen this year that did.
I mean first of all, there is the ever-obvious point park thing. i want to go there so bad, but it is just so expensive… for right now, it is impossible. so thus, i sit here in my dorm room in akron, ohio. it would be a lie to say that i am...
October 2009
5 posts
my bad... it's been awhile...
there are a lot of things that i do not understand…
por ejemplo:
-what does it mean to be saved? can you know god and not be saved? obviously you can still sin even if you’re saved, right? so what’s the point of it, then? and what’s the diff between being saved and being baptised?
-how can you think you know everything about something, but then it turns out that you do...
7:15am
i don’t know if i’m doing any of this right.
to be honest, i think everything boils down to what we do and do not want, how we do or do not go about getting it, and how we do or do not react.
choices like these suck. they make my stomach hurt.
“and that’s what i’m waiting for, that’s what i’m waiting for.”- modest mouse
i’m waiting for the...
1:21am
i made a good choice tonight.
i hope that continues a bit because it made me feel good.
i miss it.
why is santa’s magic so expensive? like seriously, wtf… the cuyahoga valley scenic railroad polar express thing is $35 PER TICKET. for that you get a train ride, face glitter, and some scalding swiss miss that will burn your tongue so bad you won’t eat for a week. i just want to...
10:34
eleven minutes until ballet.
subway has buffalo chicken and light ranch and its delicious.
word of the week is oscillating.
richard blake sneak-attack-conversationed me this morning.
abe horsfall sneak-attack-waved at me from his car at about 7:30 this morning.
i only appreciated one of those sneak-attack-conversations. guess which one?
my opinion of sneak-attack-conversations… is...
6:37am
it’s 6:37am. this is the stupidest hour of the day, made even more stupid by the fact that i am awake for it. i’m scheduling my spring semester today, and i refuse to schedule anything before 8:30am at the earliest- ever again. i think i’m probably gonna end up with about 27 credit hrs next semester, cuz there are like 9 classes i wanna take.
this is kinda like xanga. i wonder...